Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
