I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
