Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
