I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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