i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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