is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
