It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
