hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
