Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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