am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
love makes seman taste better
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
