Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
