they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
