btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
