Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
