There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
