I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
