i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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