We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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