I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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