i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
