Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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