That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
