i think my tv is drunk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
