Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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