i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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