don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
