you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
