Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
