i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
