Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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