you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
