you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
