Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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