my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
