just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
