I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
