the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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