so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
