i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
