I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
