Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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