And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
