this boner is exhausting
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
