He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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