I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
