Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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