Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
