nutella sex= disaster
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
