my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
