I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
