he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
