I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
